It's Early. That's Crazy. I Get it.

So... those of you who know me well know that I have struggled with insomnia my entire life. I can remember being a four-year-old girl and lying awake in bed in the wee hours of the morning panicking over the realization that I was quite possibly the only person awake on the planet. I can also remember jumping out of bed in the middle of the night as a teenager to do step aerobics and push-ups in a ridiculous attempt to bring on fatigue and the ever-so elusive blissful night of sleep.

And, I remember being the mother of a newborn fellow insomniac and feeling conflicted over the joy I felt now that I had a middle-of-the-night partner in crime (AWESOME!) while simultaneously praying to God and anyone that would listen to me for my baby to PLEASE GO TO SLEEP!

It sucks. Though given my vast experience with insomnia and my deep disdain for the Sandman, I have developed a few tricks, including:

Rule #1: Do not get out of  bed until you have laid there for at least two hours. In theory, rest "may" bring on sleep.

Rule #2: If you have laid there for more than two hours, you are permitted to get out of bed and slay your email inbox. Which is a little bit awesome.

Rule #3: While responding to emails, do not send them before 5am, because when you do, you look like a crazy insomniac work-a-holic. Or a vampire.

Rule #4: If any actual work is accomplished, be sure to proof it at a normal time when you are well rested. Because crazy stuff that seems perfectly normal at the time comes out of your head at 3am.

Exception #1: If the recipient of the email in Rule #3 is a known fellow insomniac, SEND AWAY! You just might get a response and then it's not so lonely at 3am!

So, if you are on the receiving end of emails from me that appear to be sent at a ridiculously early hour, it's because they have been. I'm up. I'm working because doing step aerobics and push-ups to induce sleep is futile. And I've waited a few hours to send them because of Rule #3.

And, by the time that you're rolling into the office and opening your inbox for the first time that day, I'm either having lunch, or have already put in a full day. It's not that I'm that productive, it's just that the Sandman is an evil bastard.

And if you see me with huge bags under my eyes and looking like a character from the "Walking Dead," know that I've been on what I have come to call a "bender," and be kind. Also, please speak slowly and don't make any sudden movements because it sends me right into the the fight or flight response. And be jealous of my very tidy email inbox.